Frequently Asked Questions

Is the anonymous guy who does this website suffering from paranoia, delusions of grandeur, and is otherwise generally insane?
Yes.

My efforts with cooking tofu always seem to result in a bland tasteless meal. How can I liven up my tofu dishes?
Empty contents of tofu mixture into a rubbish bin, or use similar method of disposal, replace with either cous cous, rice, or pasta, add other ingredients, cook, and enjoy.

I would like to be a doctor, but can't make the grades, I have sadistic tendencies, and a keen peverse curiosity, with much experience in microwaving various insects and birds, as a child. I want a well paid job, with the unwranted reputation of helping to save peoples lives. What carrer should I take up?
Become a vivisector.

What's the difference between a teenager convicted after blinding kittens, and Colin Blakemore getting paid to sew kitten's eyes shut to see what happens?
One is a callous individual who never grew up from a stage some 8 year olds go through pulling the legs of insects, and the other is a rather disturbed adolescent.

Why does toast always land the margarine side down?
Two possibilities. Either the average table is only high enough to let the toast flip once before hitting the carpet, or its a grand conspiracy to discriminate against those who choose to make their bread warm and crunchy.

What is the meaning of life?
Perry Mason films, baked potatoes, and cider.

Why do Yugoslavian names have no vowels?
This was due to a trade embargo by the US in a bid to prevent vicious games of scrabble between the warring factions.

A plane crashes on the border of Scotland and England. Where do you bury the survivors?
Since when do you bury the survivors?

Who should be interested in a group like E.A.R.?
Anybody who is trying to find an local active vibrant orgainsation... and until you find them, join us!

My star sign is Taurus. What do the stars have in store for me?
I predict you will be having a celebration in either April or May next year. This is not the week to be wearing a tie with a cartoon character on it. But then, what week is? Take care next Wednesday: that balaclava behind you may only be a fashion statement, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Lucky Pub: The Tap.

I'm having problems losing weight. Do you have any diet tips?
Cut any cakes into two pieces before you eat it. The result only has half the calories. Honest.

If you have any questions you frequently ask, whether it's about animal rights, life, or philosophy, e-mail them to me. A free link to someone's website and e-mail, and a link to their favourite AR site, if it gets posted.