There are Jews in the world, There are Buddhists, There are Hindus and Mormons and then, There are those that follow Mohammed, But I've never been one of them... I'm a Roman Catholic, And have been since before I was born, And the one thing they say about Catholics, Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm... You don't have to be a six-footer, You don't have to have a great brain, You don't have to have any clothes on - You're a Catholic the minute Dad came... Because... Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. Children: Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. Child: [solo] Let the heathen spill theirs, On the dusty ground, God shall make them pay for, Each sperm that can't be found. Children: Every sperm is wanted, Every sperm is good, Every sperm is needed, In your neighbourhood. Mum: [solo] Hindu, Taoist, Mormon, Spill theirs just anywhere, But God loves those who treat their Semen with more care. Men neighbours: [peering out of toilets] Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, Women neighbours: [on wall] If a sperm is wasted, Children: God get quite irate. Priest: [in church] Every sperm is sacred, Bride and Groom: Every sperm is good. Nannies: Every sperm is needed. Cardinals: [in prams] In your neighbourhood! Children: Every sperm is useful, Every sperm is fine, Funeral Cortege: God needs everybody's, First Mourner: Mine! Lady Mourner: And mine! Corpse: And mine! Nun: [solo] Though the pagans spill theirs, O'er mountain, hill and plain, Various artefacts in a Roman Catholic Souvenir Shop: God shall strike them down for Each sperm that's spilt in vain. Everybody: Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is good, Every sperm is needed, In your neighbourhood. Even more than everybody, including two fire-eaters, a juggler, a clown at a piano and a stilt-walker riding a bicycle: Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. [Everybody cheers (including the fire-eaters, the juggler, the clown at the piano and the stilt-walker riding the bicycle). Fireworks go off, a Chinese dragon is brought on and flags of all nations are unfurled overhead.]